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Friday, February 25, 2005
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The Boy Who Pierced His Labia
Thought this was hilarious. Someone from KoL sent it in:
The Boy Who Pierced His Labia
The Boy Who Pierced His Labia
| To: rstevens@lipsmackin.com From: Swifty Subject: Screw it...i want to be a Pal So here's my story, señor: At the tender age of twelve I was in New York City with my friend Eli when I decided I wanted to get my eyebrow pierced. Silverchair was on the top of the charts, angst was in the air, and I was out to find the one piercing shop in Brooklyn that didn't card prospective piercees. After wandering around the streets for half an hour, someone whose head was littered with rings and studs gave me a flyer for a piercing store. We tentatively asked him if the store would card me. He smiled and shook his head. "WAHOOOOO," I yelped, then scrambled to find the word "eyebrow" on the list of things the store would pierce, handily included on the flyer. However after multiple searches I couldn't find it. Now, in this situation, most people would have gone into the store and asked them if they pierced eyebrows, or found another flyer...but I, being the stubborn idiot that I am, refused to find another flyer, or even move, until the dilemma was resolved. "Screw it," I said. "They probably just used a word for it I don't know. Like what's this word?" I picked a word that sort of sounded like it might mean eyebrow in Latin or Italian or something. "la-bia? that's GOTTA mean eyebrow." And that was how I strode into the piercing store, sauntered up to the counter, cockily eyed the bored employee at the counter, and declared, "Hey there - I'd like my labia pierced." The man did a double-take. I probably wasn't a transvestite. "Uh...you want your WHAT pierced?" "My labia," I said, acting too-cool-for-this-world. Mystified, the clerk began to laugh a little as it dawned on him that I was the one here who had no clue what was going on. "Buddy," he said, laughing, "are you sure you HAVE one of those?" Again, in a situation like this, a normal, rational person would have simply said "oh...I guess not," or "I think so...what is it, again?" or hell, even just walked out. But no. I had to lean forward, assume an expression that indicated that I was obviously trying to communicate with a retarded kid who didn't speak english, grab both eyebrows, and WHILE MANUALLY WIGGLING THEM half-shout "Of COURSE I do! I have TWO!" This is when the guy at the counter fell off his stool laughing. I stood there for a minute, a little confused, until the clerk pulled himself back up onto the counter, heaving with laughter, holding a poster. He said, "dude...ha ha ha ha...THIS is what you're asking for," and showed me the poster. The poster, a little smaller than your average Britney Spears poster, depicted a shaven, bloody vagina, being speared with a piercing through what I assumed was, in fact, a real labia. it was the first time I had ever seen a vagina in my entire life. I squeaked. This caused the clerk to enter ANOTHER round of disabling, spasming laughter, which caused another employee to enter the room: a woman dressed entirely in black and/or leather, carrying a piercing gun. The guy at the counter wheezed, "Cheryl! oh my God....listen to....this kid wants his LABIA pierced!" Cheryl sized me up and gave me a grin typically reserved for sharks. "That can be arranged," She said and fired the piercing gun. I RAN out of there. Swifty makes my favorite online comic strip, Friend Bear. It's weird. Like Pooh remixed with Twin Peaks weird. Screwier than Exploding Dog. |
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Guess I'm a Glutton...
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Third Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | High |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Moderate |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | High |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | High |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Very Low |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | Low |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Low |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | Moderate |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Very Low |
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Need to Diet
I don't know what the crap is going on with me... but, I need to seriously do something to lose weight.
I am gonna start doing my yoga/pilates DVD this week... maybe even today. I'll see how Ursula acts... last time I tried, she was crawling all over me like I was some monkey bars. I was also thinking of taking out the backpack carrier, putting her in and walking... esp. since my stroller is broken now... but with an added bonus of extra weight while walking... might help burn extra calories.
I am making my goal size to be a 3 again. And, possibly accomplish this before getting pregnant again.
Jeremy is going to IPS today and checking out what's up over there. Jason, his bro, said that they'll start him off at $14. something /hr AND pay for his education for welding. Once he's finished welding school, they'll give him $.60 pay raise every 6 mths until he reaches $17 something/hr.... and the MAJOE plus here is that he won't be getting garnished since they have to find him once more! woohoo
Still playing Kingdom of Loathing :D hehehe Jeremy doesn't understand the appeal of it.
I am gonna start doing my yoga/pilates DVD this week... maybe even today. I'll see how Ursula acts... last time I tried, she was crawling all over me like I was some monkey bars. I was also thinking of taking out the backpack carrier, putting her in and walking... esp. since my stroller is broken now... but with an added bonus of extra weight while walking... might help burn extra calories.
I am making my goal size to be a 3 again. And, possibly accomplish this before getting pregnant again.
Jeremy is going to IPS today and checking out what's up over there. Jason, his bro, said that they'll start him off at $14. something /hr AND pay for his education for welding. Once he's finished welding school, they'll give him $.60 pay raise every 6 mths until he reaches $17 something/hr.... and the MAJOE plus here is that he won't be getting garnished since they have to find him once more! woohoo
Still playing Kingdom of Loathing :D hehehe Jeremy doesn't understand the appeal of it.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Was looking over my blog and realized I didn't have any 'cute' pics of Ursula now... so, I'm adding a couple :D
In this picture, you can see her fever blister :( Poor baby. Its been hard getting 'good' pics of her lately... between fever blisters and skin rashes from dairy... hopefully, that homeopathic solution will help that out. Her cheeks look pretty good today.
In this picture, you can see her fever blister :( Poor baby. Its been hard getting 'good' pics of her lately... between fever blisters and skin rashes from dairy... hopefully, that homeopathic solution will help that out. Her cheeks look pretty good today.
Mom's Here
I called my mom to come up here the other day since our car is useless to us. She did :) Jeremy hasn't been to work in over a week now!!! :(( :(( :(( But, at least we have a way to get places now.
There's a part Jeremy had ordered and was supposed to be yesterday... but, it wasn't. Its supposed to be in first thing this morning. Hopefully, it will be and it'll be what 'cures' our sick car and J can once again go to work.
Jason, J's brother, said that they want to rehire him at IPS, right outside of Baton Rouge. That they'll even send him to ABC school (that's what Jeremy said the name was...) and complete his welding education! That would be sweet! Plus, if he changes jobs, his check won't be garnished since they'll have to find him again! {evil laughter}.
Mom and I went to Goodwill yesterday. I picked up a few things. I just hate that they charge so much per item... some things I can get way cheaper on sale at a retail store. One of the things I bought was a khacki (sp?) dress for Calista for school. She has a navy one just like it that I also bought from there :) She loves her dresses for school. Also bought her another regular dress... that Ursula happens to be wearing right now... Ursula likes to find clothes and put them on... lol
We also went to the local Health Food Store (HFS). I picked up a few good sales there too as well as some honey... have to have honey... awesome and nutritous replacement for sugar. Also bought some homeopathic stuff for dairy allergies and also for fever blisters/cold sores. I gave Ursula 3 doses of the dairy one yesterday and her cheeks look great this morning... just look at that picture of her sleeping to see what her cheeks looked like. I'll, of course, give her more today.
My poor baby has had 3 fever blisters already! I don't how she caught them in the first place. Jeremy and I have been so careful when we have ours... its prolly because she always drinks after us. Look at Calista, she has never had any. I also wonder if it could be an inherited type of thing... or disposition towards it... I really hate that my child has to go through life with that crap :((
There's a part Jeremy had ordered and was supposed to be yesterday... but, it wasn't. Its supposed to be in first thing this morning. Hopefully, it will be and it'll be what 'cures' our sick car and J can once again go to work.
Jason, J's brother, said that they want to rehire him at IPS, right outside of Baton Rouge. That they'll even send him to ABC school (that's what Jeremy said the name was...) and complete his welding education! That would be sweet! Plus, if he changes jobs, his check won't be garnished since they'll have to find him again! {evil laughter}.
Mom and I went to Goodwill yesterday. I picked up a few things. I just hate that they charge so much per item... some things I can get way cheaper on sale at a retail store. One of the things I bought was a khacki (sp?) dress for Calista for school. She has a navy one just like it that I also bought from there :) She loves her dresses for school. Also bought her another regular dress... that Ursula happens to be wearing right now... Ursula likes to find clothes and put them on... lol
We also went to the local Health Food Store (HFS). I picked up a few good sales there too as well as some honey... have to have honey... awesome and nutritous replacement for sugar. Also bought some homeopathic stuff for dairy allergies and also for fever blisters/cold sores. I gave Ursula 3 doses of the dairy one yesterday and her cheeks look great this morning... just look at that picture of her sleeping to see what her cheeks looked like. I'll, of course, give her more today.
My poor baby has had 3 fever blisters already! I don't how she caught them in the first place. Jeremy and I have been so careful when we have ours... its prolly because she always drinks after us. Look at Calista, she has never had any. I also wonder if it could be an inherited type of thing... or disposition towards it... I really hate that my child has to go through life with that crap :((
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
And again, last night, Ursula went to sleep on her own!!! She put the pillow on the floor, covered herself with a blanket and fell asleep! WOW!!! Exciting times! And man, her cheeks are super red in this picture... its from dairy. I try to keep her away from it... I also try to stop since it affects her.
Monday, February 14, 2005
WOW!!! No sleep deprevation!
Oh, it was so cute last night... Ursula climbed up on Jeremy's chair, leaned on him and fell asleep! It was just adorable :D I was even able to bring her to bed, lay her down and all without her waking up and wanting to nurse! In fact, for the first time EVER, she actually slept ALL night!!! She slept from being on the chair with Jeremy until like 5:44am this morning!!! woohoo!
Yes, took pics... just haven't taken them from the camera yet :D
Yes, took pics... just haven't taken them from the camera yet :D
The Blah Week...
The weekend before last (from Friday after Calista got off of school until Tuesday - Mardi Gras) me and the girls were visiting my family in the Houma area. Well, Jeremy didn't have to work Tuesday. Then, he took off Wednesday to work on the wheel area on our car; worked on what he could, then he ordered a CV joint from the parts store. Took off Thursday because that's when the part came in. Went get it and it didn't fit. They no longer make parts for our car... being that its 18 yrs old and all :( So, we have to try junk yards instead. That took all day. So, Friday, he stayed home to go to the junk yard in Washington. There was only one 626 like ours there and they didn't have all the parts we needed, but, did have a couple of them. So, Jeremy spent a good while getting them off that car and onto ours. THEN, Friday night, Jeremy drove to King's and before he even got there, the car DIED on him! Yay... just what we needed! So, now, today he's waiting for some of his friends to return home from work so he could go to the junk yard once again and get another piece for our car! lol Sucks, huh?
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